


The Other Side

by Fictropes



Series: 2009 no show Dan [4]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Introspection, M/M, Phil’s pov, remember in the rest of the series they are happy...
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-18 15:01:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29491752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fictropes/pseuds/Fictropes
Summary: Phil knows Dan isn’t going to show, but he still stands and waits for too long anyway.(Or 2009 Phil’s POV on the day Dan didn’t show)
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Series: 2009 no show Dan [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1944535
Comments: 23
Kudos: 52





	The Other Side

**Author's Note:**

> This is just Phil’s POV! It’s a bit sad honestly... but I feel like I never truly explored Phil’s brain because it was obviously all from Dan’s POV!

The train station is packed, but he still thinks he could spot Dan from a mile off. He has every aspect of that face memorised, could close his eyes and tell you every detail—freckles, dimples, even the length of his eyelashes if he really tried. 

That’s why he knows, can immediately tell.

Dan isn’t here. Dan isn’t coming. An entire train full of people debarking and none of them are _him_. But Phil stands there anyway, fists clenched in attempt to stop his hands from shaking.

He checks the times Dan had sent him just incase he’d gotten it wrong, then he checks it again. Then a third time. It’s always the same, it’s always the answer of _Dan is supposed to be here right now._

And maybe he knew all along, that this was how it’d go. Maybe all the signs were there but Phil had opted to ignore them because he was so blissfully happy. 

Even last night Dan had been off with him, all short answers and a barely there look in his eyes. Phil had decided it just had to be nerves, that despite all they are—everything they feel towards each other—that this was still scary. A train journey half way across the country to meet someone you’ve never technically met. 

Stood alone he can’t help but go over everything. Had he come on too strong? Scared Dan off? He goes through his messages, desperately trying to pinpoint where it all went wrong. People tut and moan around him, crash into Phil who’s right in the middle of the platform. But he barely even registers it, not when he’s so focused on trying to find his own mistakes. 

He steps to the side when someone almost shoves him right onto the track. 

He can’t find anything, no matter how far he goes back. It’d always been excitement, photos of train tickets, links Phil had sent to the best places in Manchester. Flirty exchanges and promises to—for what was going to happen. Never anything there to hint to Dan just not showing. 

Phil’s mind starts going to horrible places then, places he backtracks out of as fast as he possibly can. Dan is fine, Dan isn’t—he’s fine. He knows that, he knows that because the actual warning signs had been there last night. The only ones Phil had ever been sent, but there anyway.

He feels a bit sick, sits down on the empty bench to his left. And it’s weird that he’s sat here so alone, because in his head right now he’d been planning on having Dan by his side.

And maybe they’d be sat right here, too giddy to walk. Sat here to soak it all up, that they’re together—finally. But that’s not what’s happened. And so Phil feels a bit sick. 

He picks and picks at a loose thread in his jeans. Trying to calm down. Trying to talk his head out of calling and calling Dan until he picks up. Trying to convince himself that he’s not the monster he’s told himself he is. Dan’s got reasons for it, and they’re probably all greater than Phil. 

He’s been good at not letting too much slip about his home life, about his own battles, but from time to time Dan will blurt something out. He looks so regretful about it that Phil decides not to push, but now he thinks maybe he should’ve.

He’s not turned up because of who Phil is, but he’s also not here  _because_ of who Phil is. His actual personality isn’t the issue, it’s more what Phil encompasses. More what meeting Phil means.

To meet would mean to potentially fall, to face head on who you are. For Dan to face head on who he is. 

And he’s not ready, and that’s fine. That’s what Phil needs to remember right now, cancel out the narrative in his own mind about being a bad person. About being unattractive. About not being enough for Dan. 

He’s actually probably  _too_ much for Dan. 

But even knowing all that it doesn’t stop the absolute feeling of heartbreak. He’s allowed to be selfish for a second, wallow in his own misery—in what could’ve been. He wants Dan here, and he can’t help but feel that. 

And that’s why he hangs around for too long, just incase. Just incase Dan had ended up on another train, just incase Dan is playing a stupid game—hid behind a pole or wall—or something. But he knows deep down that’s not it, because if that was it Dan would’ve text. Dan would’ve let Phil know about the lateness. 

He only leaves when the train station guards start looking at him a bit funny. Only leaves when he feels like he needs to go home, stare at a wall—cry. 

At least his parents aren’t there, Phil won’t have to go through the door alone and explain to them where his  little friend is. 

He gets up. He leaves. He tries not to scream on the bus ride home. 

But Despite it all, he doesn’t hate dan. Despite it all, he thinks he  gets it. 

**Author's Note:**

> As always lemme know ur thoughts!


End file.
